Chris Locke: This represents a whopping 99.75% discount off the $20,000 per hour fee we got for speaking all over the motherfucking world in 2000-2001 before we went bonkers and couldn’t function there for a couple-three years due to (as far as we can figure it): 1) Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD); 2) Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID); 3) Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD); 4) Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); 5) Bad Attitude Attention Deficit Disorder (BAADD); or, and most likely, 6) All of the Above Disorder

The truth is, I’m terrified over here. My bank account is a couple hundred dollars in the red, there’s three bucks and change left in my PayPal account, and I’ve got 20 dollars or so in my wallet. Plus, I’ve been squatting in this condo for well over a year and they’re about to kick me out. In six weeks to be precise. With cops and dogs and fire hoses probably. And me and the kitty and the 12 million books, where are we gonna go then? I’ve tried to make this all sound like a jolly old lark, but it’s spooky as hell, and I’m really scared. I’ve always told you the truth, right? Well… no. I haven’t. But this is the down-and-dirty hand-on-the-Bible straight-up no-shit fact: I am looking at living on the street and it’s even more depressing than being depressed. I am seriously freaking, wigging out, rending my garment like those weirdos in the Old Testament. This is not funny. This ain’t no disco. Like I ever thought it was a disco! And yes, you can now give me all sorts of good advice like that I should get serious and snap out of it and cut my hair and get a job. All of which I agree with. Except I’m not sure if I cut my hair how I should style it. I’m open to suggestions.
But… Yes, of course there’s a “but.” I haven’t totally lost my mind.



And the “but” is this: you must pay!



More here.