“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”

By Scott Adams:

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.”

“I’m slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can’t motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.”

“If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.”

“In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.”

“In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.”

“Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.”

“Let’s form proactive synergy restructuring teams.”

“Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.”

“The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.”

“The only risk of failure is promotion.”

“We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.”

“You don’t have to be a “person of influence” to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.”