Because “our culture loves to talk about being the victim” a new holiday, “GET OVER IT DAY,” has been created to prod people into moving on. Victimization industry expected to decry this attack on their livelihood.
Question: What are loser ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, annoying co-workers, sniping in-laws, the job you didn’t get, that stubborn cellulite and those extra 20 pounds that refuse to go away?
Things you need to GET OVER. Today.
Of course, it’s not always that simple. And that’s why Atlanta entrepreneur Jeff Goldblatt last year created a so-called "holiday" in March to help people put these thorns-in-the-side behind us, once and for all. After going through a tough breakup with his girlfriend two years ago, he came up with the tongue-in-cheek "Get Over It Day," when he and others like him could finally slam the door shut on an unpleasant life chapter for good.
Goldblatt’s friends spread the word on the Internet, and last March "Get Over It Day" found itself on "Good Morning America," and ESPN’s "SportsCenter," and radio shows across the country, not to mention at "Get Over It Day" parties nationwide.
"This day moves you toward your next step — it’s a decision you make to say, ‘I’m ready to move on,’" says Heide Banks, a psychotherapist and creator of the CD Breaking Free: Seven Keys to Moving Past Hurt and Unlocking Life ($10, at www.getoveritday.com). "Our culture loves to talk about being the victim and not the victor. To move forward, you have to get a new story in your life. I call it ‘mourning and moving.’"
And just in case you slip back into your funk, the "Get Over It Day" folks have sticky notes, "Declaration of Intent" cards, stickers and rubber bracelets to snap you out of it.
"When you’re going through something, the natural tendency is to sit around by yourself and mope and revel in [your] misery," says Goldblatt, whose informal "Get Over It Day" network is hosting events in bars around the country today. "Not only do people have things they want to get over themselves, but everybody has a friend who’s in a funk that you just want to shake and say, ‘Get over it!’ "
So in the spirit of the day, here’s a list of 10 woes many of us either need to get over — or get beyond. And we’ve included tips on doing just that.
• That guy who, after three great dates, never called back. "You should be involved with people who will swim across the Rhine [River] under enemy fire" to be with you, says Philip Van Munching, co-author of Actually, It IS Your Parents’ Fault: Why Your Romantic Relationship Isn’t Working, and How to Fix It ($21.95, St. Martin’s Press). "You have to find out where your self-image is lacking that you’re interested in people who aren’t interested in you. Once you find out what negative personality traits we keep finding [ourselves attracted to] over and over, the more we can avoid that from the get-go."
• The promotion you’re never going to get at your current job. Ask yourself, says Mount Prospect workplace consultant and Quality Transitions founder Diane C. Decker: "’Is this about me or about the organization? Maybe there’s not a fit there." If you love everything else at work, stick it out. If not, and "it’s more important I get promoted to the next level, then I need to move on. I think we hurt ourselves by being so disappointed that it comes out in our interactions with others.
"If somebody’s really in a complacent place, ask yourself, ‘In 10 years, how do I want to look back at my life at this time? How do I want to describe who I was and what I was about?’ If there’s a disconnect, ‘What do I have to do to fix it now?’ "
• The Bears didn’t win the Super Bowl, and the Cubs may never win the World Series. Says Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist Rick Telander: "The only way you can get over these things is to realize there’s more to life than $7 beer at Wrigley Field and wearing your Olin Kreutz [Bears] jersey to work.
"Once that sets in, you realize — especially with the Cubs — every team can win the World Series every 100 years. There are a lot of lame, nothing teams who’ve won the World Series, but the Cubs are singular in their not winning it. The [Boston] Red Sox were whining, and they won it [in 2004]. The Cubs stand alone — that’s a great deal. With the Bears, it gives people something to pray for, which is a quarterback."
• The disappointment that your daughter didn’t become a well-paid attorney or doctor. "It’s accepting the brilliance of the person, accepting their gifts, who they are, what they want to do," says workplace consultant Decker, "and being proud they’re independent and going their own way, and find ways to be supportive of that.
"It’s reframing it and letting go of a personal goal because it was a projection. Maybe if you wanted your child to be a lawyer, you really want to be a lawyer, so then find a way to go back to law school!"
• The fact that you’ve got credit card debt, even though you’ve been trying for years to whittle it down. "One of the things you probably need is new friends," says Mary Claire Allvine, a Chicago- and Atlanta-based certified financial planner and author of The Family CFO: The Couple’s Business Plan for Love and Money ($23.95, Rodale Inc.). "You either need to get a new job or get a new life. You’ve got to have a debit card, living on what you make.
"Are you keeping up with the Joneses, who are probably in the same denial you are? Find someone who successfully got themselves out of debt and how they did it. We live by aspiration — find a role model. Changing how you live changes your bottom line."
• Your self-confidence deficit, since it keeps shooting you in the foot daily. Says psychotherapist and author Banks: "Most of our lack of self-confidence comes from hooking ourselves up to the wrong things. If you get fired from a job, it comes from being in the wrong situation at the wrong time and taking it personally.
"And I’m a big believer in forgiveness," she says — even if you’re the one who’s let yourself down. "If you knew better, you would have done better. I mess up a lot, but you know what? We all do."
• The fact that decades out of college, you’re still one year shy of earning your degree. If you can’t swing school for financial or other reasons, "Look for a way to demonstrate through your resume you’re as valuable as the person with a degree," advises Decker. For example, "If you want to be a project manager, perhaps getting some kind of certification you can put on your resume can help you be considered for that work. The whole idea of continuous learning, that people aren’t just stopping after they get their degree," is increasingly important in today’s work world.
• That although you never seem to meet anyone at bars, you hate the idea of blind dates. The person’s been pre-screened by someone you both know, so give it a shot, advises author Van Munching. The guy or girl "may be wrong, but at least you’re broadening the circle of who you know. You each have to behave because you have to report back to your mutual friend." Still can’t deal?
"There’s a great [dating] middle ground between bars and the Internet, and that’s going out with groups of friends. It’s a great way to broaden your base."
• You’ve been trying to lose those "last" 20 pounds for the last five years. "If you’re trying to lose weight and you’re not losing weight, you’re doing something wrong," says Clint Phillips, president of FitChicago.com, a downtown service that pairs personal fitness trainers with clients.
When it comes to working out, "Resistance exercise, like weights or calisthenics, that’s your fat-burning furnace." Cardio, or "Anything that gets your heart rate up and keeps it up for a significant period of time," is also a key component. As for diet, says Phillips, keep a food log — you’ll be much less likely to cheat if you know you’ll be held accountable for those Cheetos.
"Force yourself, no matter how painful it is, to make [exercise] a habit for three to four weeks," he says. "Progress is very motivating."
• Those rude men who NEVER offer you their seat on the bus or L. "You’re better off focusing on what’s going to make you happy," says Banks, "rather than trying to change what you can’t control. For some people, it [means] making more money so you don’t have to get on the bus.
"And by the way, it’s OK to smile and ask them for the seat. Most of us have our iPods going, our phones going — we’re not even aware we’re being rude.
"Don’t be afraid to tap them — especially if they’re attractive. Seize the opportunity."
Via Chicago Sun Times