Many states have arcane laws on the books describing in ridiculous detail what their citizens can or can’t do in the bedroom. Over the years, lawmakers have shied away from removing them, fearing conservatives would brand them champions for kinky sex.

While most of the laws outlined below aren’t strictly enforced, you still might want to watch your back (and naughtier bits) if you and your significant other live in or visit these states…

1. In NORTH CAROLINA: Don’t try fornicatin’ round these parts, since "any man and woman found occupying the same bedroom in any hotel, public inn, or boardinghouse for any immoral purpose…shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.”

2. If you’re in ALABAMA: You will break the law if you seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."

3. If you’re in OKLAHOMA: Don’t try that Alabama trick, pal, it won’t work here either. If you propose to a virgin then have sex and later decide you don’t want to marry her, you just committed a felony.

4. If you’re in MISSISSIPPI: Don’t experiment with S&M or you’ll run afoul of a law which forbids "the depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification."

5. If you’re in WASHINGTON, D.C. or MARYLAND: Better throw out your copy of the Kama Sutra. Virtually any sexual position other than the missionary position is illegal.

6. If you’re in UTAH: Hope you weren’t performing a sexual act with an animal for money. But if there’s no money involved, you’re free and clear.

7. If you’re in INDIANA or OHIO: … and if you happen to be a male skating instructor, don’t even think about having sex with your female students. But if you’re a female instructor jonesing for your male students, have at it!

8. If you’re in MASSACHUSETTS: Don’t let the state’s liberal reputation fool you. Adultery is punishable by up to three years in prison, and forget anything a prude would find kinky. Any “unnatural and lascivious act with another person” violates a state statute, though the language leaves it a crapshoot whether all those unnatural and lascivious ideas you had for tonight will land you in jail.

9. If you’re in TEXAS: Watch what you say about vibrators. MSNBC reported on a woman arrested at a sex toy party in Burleson, TX simply for talking about how to use a vibrator. She was charged with breaking obscenity laws and faced up to a year in prison.

10. And if you’re ANYWHERE IN THE U.S.: don’t have sex with a corpse. Hope we didn’t ruin your night.