Come To The Dark Side… Of My Chin!
Although much reviled in the glamorous hirsutiary world, the goatee is perhaps the most useful form of facial hair. The cheeks and neck are exposed to cool air, leaving only the follicles around the mouth as food collecting tendrils. Think of a goatee as a portable, tongue-proddable buffet. Hungry? Stick out your tongue and discover the remnants of a thousand delicious meals: a bit of old scrambled egg, some extraneous fried chicken skin, a big blob of raspberry jam. Surely, the beard choice of the gastronomist.
But it can be hard keeping a goatee even. Enter the GoateeSaver, a device you clamp around your mouth to preserve the follicular lines of your mouth coiffureage even as you groom. It also looks like a sadomasochistic device for cyborgs.