Earache My Eye!
Frequent fliers, we know the sight well. The plane begins to land and our inner ear pressure swells, feeling something like the gradual multiplication of wet socks within our brain pan. A clench of the jaw and our inner ear pressure pops, making us feel marginally better. Ah. But in front of us, a fellow passenger is not so lucky. He grabs the side of his head, frantically swallowing and yawning, his mouth frothing over with half-chewed Chiclets, but nothing happens. Now he’s screaming. Oh god. Not again.
The stewardess begins racing down the isle, brandishing an emergency trepanation kit, but you know its already too late. You hold your briefcase in front of your face just in time to avoid being splattered by a cerebral slurry and the shrapnel of teeth. Christ. These red eyes.
In short, fickle evolution has not blessed everyone with direct muscular control of their Eustachian Tube. The Ear Pressure Equalizer aims to level the playing field and halt, once and for all, the rash of Scanners-like head explosions that has been the airline industry’s dirtiest little secret for over fifty years. Simply push the device into your ear, press the button and feel the aural orgasm of inner ear pressure releasing itself. It’s $60, which is a tad expensive, but you really can’t put a price on your skull not exploding.