Like the title says..”What The?”

What is it with marketing people? Until recently I thought that us writers had the corner on being insane. Having worked in both film and television, I can pretty much say that the writer is the most crazy person on set (aside from some actors-but they’re of a different species altogether).

However, after taking a look at these ads, I’m starting to wonder exactly how far advertising firms will go before they actually discover a deep-end to go off of.

I’m gonna start off gentle. But trust me… this ride’s gonna get worse.
1. Hyundai
A little voice in my head tells me that my divorce would have never happened if I had a tongue like that…A little voice in my head tells me that my divorce would have never happened if I had a tongue like that…

I was once relegated to the back seat of a convertible while my (now ex-) wife’s aunt’s dog rode shotgun. That dog had a tongue akin to what you see above. And the amount of drool that flapped out of that tongue, whipped through the wind, and smacked me in the face could be measured in gallons.
2. Concordia Children’s ServicesWell… This ad could explain the child obesity issues here in the United States…Well… This ad could explain the child obesity issues here in the United States…

Um… Yuck. I don’t really have a problem with the children suckling on the pig. But everything’s just so… dirty!

In small print the ad states, “If you don’t help feed them, who will?”

Arnold from Green Acres, that’s who.
3. Lifebuoy SoapI don’t like my muffins to bite back…I don’t like my muffins to bite back…

As disturbing as this ad is (particularly with the tagline, “You eat what you touch”), I can’t help but find the hamster-muffin cute. You can just imagine the little chirpy voice coming out of it, asking you to read it today’s headlines. It would be a happy hamster-muffin, as its generous teeth would insure that you wouldn’t dare try to eat it.
4. Keimling Vegetarian Restaurant

If you somehow did manage to eat hamster-muffin, this is what would happen. I think. It’s sort’a like barfing up the food chain… Which I guess is the point. After all, it is an ad for a vegetarian restaurant…
5. McDonald’s
Possibly the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.Possibly the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

Okay, I’m just going to state this now: clowns scare the hell out of me. They freak me out. I don’t know why and I don’t want to experience intense sessions of psychoanalysis to find out.

That being said, it’s quite easy to see why this ad is just plain frightening to me. The idea of a clown that is small enough to squeeze into tiny places (just so it can slit my throat with a large knife) is enough to make me curl into a ball and squat in a corner, rocking and making little mewling sounds.
6. Thai Food Express
Take THAT clown baby!!!!!! I feel much safer…Take THAT clown baby!!!!!! I feel much safer…

Thank God for whatever ultra-hot weapon Thai Food Express has in their arsenal
. I can sleep nights knowing that there is something to keep that clown baby from under my bed.*
7. Just Liquid Hand Wash

I warned you. This is the tip of the iceberg in freaky/gross stuff.

Where to begin… Well, the maggots are bad enough, right? I mean… holy crap. But what’s up with the guy taking the medicine? He looks dead already. Eyes all rolled up in his noggin and stuff. Why give him medicine?

After years of research in this area, I can tell you that the undead don’t need medicine. They’re… well, zombies.

And you know that the undead guy is making some horrific groaning sound because somebody with maggots all over their arms is trying to force medicine down his throat.
8. Just Liquid Hand Wash (Yep-again)
Even larger GAH!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!Even larger GAH!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Warned ya.

Um… That kid is gonna eat at least one roach. My sister ate roaches when she was a kid. That’s how I know.
9. Dr. Barata’s Pest Control
Want a little extra protein with your pizza?Want a little extra protein with your pizza?

Speaking of roaches, check this out. As an advertisement for his pest control services, this guy had photo-realistic images of roaches printed on the inside of pizza boxes.

I pity the person who picks up the final slice of pizza.

Effective ad campaign? Most likely.

Disgusting? Most defintely.
10. HypeGallery

Expose yourself. Not a bad ad for a place that calls for artistic expression. However, I think this guy is getting prepared to join in the festivities of the next ad:
11. Play Station 2

Yeah, I know… the PS3 is out. But this advertisement is just disturbing.

I’m not sure which is worse: the human head bowl, the guy puking up a hand, the disembodied tongue licking the foot, the heart connected by a cable-outside of the girl’s body, or the dog eating… whatever it is that the dog is eating.

I simply can’t figure out the marketing angle of this. Considering it’s for a video game platform, what’s up with Caligula’s playhouse?

After seeing these ads, you have to agree that there’s something horribly askew with some marketing guys. I’m not saying that writers are any more sane (I know I’m twisted and off; it’s amazing that I found a girlfriend who can deal with me).

But, wow. Between roaches, body parts, carnivorous food, and scary clowns, I’m surprised I still purchase anything at all!