No drugs used here!
Baseball, football, bodybuilding — so many sports have been impacted by athletes secretly using performance-enhancing drugs. Sadly, even competitors in pie-eating competitions have resorted to such nefarious cheating. But officials at the upcoming World Pie Eating Championships in Wigan, UK have taken steps to keep athletes honest:
Championships Executive President Tony Callaghan, owner of Harry’s Bar, said: “Gravy has traditionally been the performance-enhancing drug of choice amongst pie eaters at this level, but since we banned it after a series of questionable concoctions were created by contenders, they’ve been trying to find other ways of generating lubricative advantage – and we’re hearing rumours that cough mixture is the new Bisto…
“In tests we’ve found this can take around two seconds off the time taken to eat a regulation Championship pie.
“We’ll be putting a couple of big blokes on the door to search pockets randomly for cough mixture.”