Inside every fat man is a beautiful young woman waiting to get out
One-liners are like weird-looking strangers with clown noses passing you in the middle of the night. They make you laugh, but you never know where the stitches they leave you in came from. (Pics)
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Gratitude is not a cat’s long suit
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On the playground the other kids gave him a lot of crap for having a butterfly mom.
But it usually just took a fluttering of her wings to make all the bad times seem good again.
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There was a reason why terrorists feared him
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Every time the outdoor movie theater has a showing of the Hitchock thriller
“The Birds,” incidents like this started happening
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It became known as the Mr Potatohead Move – rearranging of the facial parts
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After 3 long years at the Moses School of Divine Inspiration,
it was finally starting to pay off
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It wasn’t so much that he didn’t want to ask directions,
he just should have done it 2-3 days earlier
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Her entire life she had dreamed of moments like this, having the wind blowing up her skirt
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Doing something totally stupid always starts with a
brief moment of contemplative thought
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Problem with reattaching your shadow is that it always requires surgery
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His size was deceptive, and he was cute as a button,
but carnivals almost always lost money on him
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Some screws just know where they want to go
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Marriage is like gambling. Place your bets, winner takes all
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Next time you spot a fox in rabbit clothing, you’ll know why
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No one ever bothered to ask the chicken why he crossed the road.
This tunneling thing though requires a whole different line of questioning
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Yeah, and she was quite the animal in bed, too
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Parking violations in Chicago face swift and sure justice
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Adding the new signs wasn’t what you’d call a brilliant strategy
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The City finally issued Sally a citation for being a Class A Road Hazard
responsible for 1,642 traffic accidents
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It was a love-hate relationship between these two teams,
but the love part was becoming rather disgusting
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It seemed pretty kinky because he always wanted you to tickle him down there.
If only we knew what kind of creature it was
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