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Go Go Gadget Bruise Control
For anywhere between $400 and $2000, the Internet dares us to buy gas-cylindered, three-foot tall titanium devices called powerskips. Why would you want them? Because they let you run at incredible speeds and jump over cars!!!
These cyborg kangaroo feet will turn you into a superhero, and most of us would throw an orphan into a volcano to earn that distinction.
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This website inexplicably offers both a standard and a pro version, because evidently there is a large enough market for robot speedboots to divide into amateur and professional classifications.
The only real drawback we can see is that if you slip or misstep, you’re going to crack your head open at roughly the speed of sound, which isn’t even that bad when you consider that the resulting obituary would be the single most entertaining thing ever published.