New Baby Shampoo: Nothing But Tears

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All Fear And Double The Tears

After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson decided to go the other way and toughen ‘em up with this new shampoo: Nothing But Tears!

A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby’s skin as “having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self.”

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