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Pakistan takes a stand on offending texts.

Texting is safe again: gone are offending words like “monkey crotch,” “love pistol,” and “flatulence” from ever invading your text messages, at least in Pakistan.

The guardians of linguistic purity there have issued a list of more than 1,000 words and phrases to be banned…

After serious deliberation and consultation, officials from the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (PTA) have come up with more than 50 phrases using the word “fuck” and 17 involving “butt”.

The list includes several apparently innocuous words and phrases, including “flatulence”, “deposit” and “fondle”. Others would likely only make sense to frustrated teenagers.

Among the more printable terms are “strap-on”, “beat your meat”, “crotch rot”, “love pistol”, “pocket pool” and “quickie”.

The officials’ flair for the task was apparent, with prohibition embracing more figurative language, such as “flogging the dolphin”, and 51 terms with the suffix “ass” – although only one variation of the word ‘arse’. There were 17 variants on “tit” and 33 on “cock”, with officials managing to produce eight obscenities involving the word “foot”.

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