Yes, I knew coffee would get me wired, but not like this
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – – Charles Schulz
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Even after an entire bottle of tequila, the Harrison twins were still too ugly to ask out
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Yes, they were only using a potato gun, but when you’re this size, those things hurt like hell
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His photography was so life-like it made my face bleed. No really!
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After getting his foot stuck in a hamster wheel, he couldn’t get to sleep without Baby MooMoo
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As an undercover agent, Mr Norbit fit in perfectly except that part about hacking up hairballs
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Possession is nine tenths of the law
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Dr Seuss only wishes he would have thought of this one
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Just put the paper down, and no one has to get hurt
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A race to the finish or just an awkward way of proving you’re sober? You decide.
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They were both snakes, so it was inevitable that they would meet
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You’ll never guess what kind of animals I just found in the hood
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After watching “Planet of the Apes,” Larry Page decided to create cell phones specifically for apes
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Its always messy when you try to clean up bird poop
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It was brutal. He just removed the tree, reflection and all
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Like I said, if you keep it up, it will invariably take you down the “what-the-hell-are-you-smoking” trail
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For some odd reason, his mating rituals never seemed to impress the girls
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If they think you’re nuts, they won’t mind if you steal a few
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After using her new GPS system, the only word my daughter could remember was – “Recalculating!”
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Once a week they had to mow down the artwork
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In case you were wondering, “No!” It’s not okay to send people cows on “Valentine’s Day”
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He was only a couple chops short of a full bath
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Breaking the law always has consequences. But it gets totally weird when you break the law of gravity
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Her dogs were barking. No, literally!
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Believe me, the IRS has some pretty sneaky ways of showing up at your doorstep
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Total OCD!
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“Hey, get a grip! He hasn’t crossed your path yet!”
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Steve Jobs was never satisfied until the Apple design team literally blew people away.
We will miss you forever, Steve.
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