The mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our friend
“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” – – Jerry Sienfeld
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As you’re sitting at home, lonely and unemployed, just remember,
there are people in this world whose job it is to count sheep
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“You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. But if you want to go skydiving twice, you need a parachute.”
And so the final chapter of her story began…
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Once again it was “take your daughter to work day”
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You can take the boy out of a man and put him into a crate,
but then I forget the rest of the saying
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If Ronald McDonald had a pet, this is what it would eat
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So what did you get for your birthday?
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When your goal is sniffing an unsuspecting dog’s butt, craftiness is oh so important
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“Sorry, I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering”
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No one was ever a fan of the traditional wedgie, but this one definitely has potential
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The problem with him being innocent is that he is also edible
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Nothing quite says “sunken treasure” like a couple still-working flatscreen TVs under water
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After 7 years of research, the cat-containment field was finally working
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Bored with the effects of nicotine, cigarette manufacturers
began experimenting with some rather create addatives
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Cleaning day in the jungle was an amazingly nitpicking affair
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With e-books steal market share, the paper industry has decided to go three dimensional
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As if you didn’t know, anteaters are always sold by the pound
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Baby slippers
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I love my wife. I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere without her
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As you get older, three things happen to you. First, someone removes all your memory chips,
and then I can’t remember the other two
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Cat fights are not just for women anymore
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Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
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Sadly, there are things in life that have no meaningful purpose
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The only way to avoid temptation is to yield to it
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The only way to avoid temptation is to yield to it
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A good camera requires a good eye. Sniffing skills, not so much
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Its rare to find a chair that is truly built for speed
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You can question the meaning of life, but never, never, never question the meaning of frog
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Bathing is indeed an underrated spectator sport
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