If you are out of work, perhaps you should consider becoming a professional scapegoat.
The paranoia is real and it comes in a lovely shade of yellow
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – – Douglas Adams
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Damn Russian nuts! They always come with 12 layers of shell
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Squirrel! It’s what’s for dinner
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If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up way too much space
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A hippo without his ball is like a policeman without his doughnut
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Tall buildings have a way of changing your perspective, but not as much as brain surgery
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Money is the root of all evil. But behind all the evil, is this guy
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You look at this man and see a pathetic loser in a smoky hole covered in soot.
I look at him and see our next President, surviving next year’s scorched-earth political process
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Rule of Thumb: When it comes to eating, never lose your head
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“Maybe if I wait longer, he’ll come up for air”
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All windmills are living a lie! This is where the real power comes from
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Dreams can only have one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are a lonely breed
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The fog of life often requires the gasmask of intervention
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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects
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Little Known Fact: Mating rituals among birds often result in death.
This is very similar to mating rituals among humans that often result in marriage.
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The coffee was so bad that even the dummy couldn’t stay awake
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After the dance was over, it took 14 Boy Scouts and a can of WD40 to untangle them
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On the shoulders of giants… well, really on the head of a giant orange lizard,
but it’s all a matter of perspective
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Do not follow the path that others have walked. Instead, go where there is no path
and leave a trail for others to follow – preferably with florescent blue leaves
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Clearly, forgiveness comes cheap when you’re a nun
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The world becomes a scary place when you walk the fine line between Republicans and Democrats
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Let me introduce you to our crack team of investigators… emphasis on “crack”
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Wow! They really do go beyond the shadow of a doubt
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Birds don’t fly because they have somewhere to go. They fly because they have wings
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Wax on. Wax off. Hey, enough with the orange colored wax!
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If dogs could talk, it would take all of the fun out of owning them
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All of life’s journey is meaningless unless you choose a path with character, risk, and well-spaced boards
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You can only be young once. But immaturity can last for a lifetime
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Behold, the inner workings of a suicide “Butter” bomber
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“No really! Which one of you is Waldo? Don’t make me come out there and find you!”
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Yes, a picture may be worth a thousand words. But you haven’t seen my words…
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Once again, Google maps left them stranded in a place where real maps don’t even exist
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Irony is just honesty with champaign and an opera playing in the background
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