Jamie was going to add a bit more highlighter to her hair, but decided she had enough
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait” – – A. Whitney Brown
.
The reflections we imagine are far different than the ones we actually cast
.
.
.
Few people know that the head of an ox needs to be watered regularly. This is
a task best handled by young boys without shirts …but then again, we could be wrong.
.
.
.
He had a face that just wouldn’t quit
.
.
.
Teaching penguins is tough, even on a good day. But teaching them how to
do sign language when they don’t even have fingers is a whole ‘nother level of insanity
.
.
.
If only Steve were still around to enjoy this “Apple Moment”
.
.
.
It’s not much, but I call it home
.
.
.
Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee… emphasis on substantial
.
.
.
Shaving does not come naturally to creatures without opposable thumbs …or with them
.
.
.
The new face of homelessness …or bank robbers, we’re not quite sure
.
.
.
Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite wisdom,
sends them a nice plump missionary
.
.
.
Scaring young children is something that requires practice …lots of practice
.
.
.
For all of you scriptwriters, in order for you the write a good cliffhanger,
you need to experience one first
.
.
.
…it’s where baby hamburgers come from
.
.
.
So what do they get if one side actually wins? Does anyone really care?
Whatever happens, I vote they have a rematch with more team members tomorrow
.
.
.
Cats, like humans, are predestined to have free will
.
.
.
…and with one simple gesture, he was able to cause all of the pumpkins
to break their stems and turn orange
.
.
.
Nosey Nellie was an annoying horse. Note to self. Do not invite her to our next stampede
.
.
.
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all float away
.
.
.
As the Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton often wears disguises when going into Muslim countries
.
.
.
I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I’m guessing the moon will never make it through the hoop
.
.
.
This is what happens if you get scared half to death – twice
.
.
.
Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created
.
.
.
Sadly, this elephant couldn’t remember having a more memorable time
.
.
.
Even at age 68, he was still wearing the 500 hats of Bartholemew Cubbins’
.
.
.
If he doesn’t succeed, he runs the risk of failure
.
.
.
Farming. It’s not for little people anymore
.
.
.
“No really! It was this big!”
.
.
.
Beyond the doubt of a shadow
.
.
.
The nightmare you think you’re living is never the same as the one that’s actually taking place
.
.
.
“No, there’s really no point to this. Why do you ask?”
.
.
.
One famous last gersture!
.
.
.
