Acid rain does far more than burn our skin. It completely washes the color from our lives.
“If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up.” – – Dr Seuss
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One, one-thousand, two, one-thousand, three one-thousand….
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When she told the Genie that she wished guys would start noticing her more,
she never dreamed it would be like this
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Turns out that even after losing an election, politicians can still make use of their hot air
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Every woman wishes this kind of weather would happen to her.
But sadly, “shoe storms” only happen to men
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People often forget. It’s not a game for the bull!
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Must… Have… Beer….
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90% of getting hired is looking the part
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First Rule of Volcanoes: Never let them see you sweat
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In a negative economy, it seems very appropriate to dine on reverse-strawberries
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Sometimes listening can be a thing of beauty
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Law of Starving People: If you’re not going to feed your people, expect for them to kill you
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Camping was far easier when everyone could still afford to buy gas
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The walls you build to keep others out, are the same walls that will be used to keep you in
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Just because you’re big, mean, and ferocious-looking doesn’t mean you’re not a crybaby
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Don’t look down. To die would be fatal
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People who park illegally in a handicap spot will soon have a reason to park there
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Hmmm, I was thinking that all their soup tasted a bit primordial
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Gravity can be your friend or your enemy. It just depends on which side of the shopping spree you’re on
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Some of our best and worst decisions occur when we bite off more than we can chew
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Washington’s newest plan for balancing the budget comes straight out of the game of Monopoly
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Just because he’s behind glass doesn’t mean he won’t try to prank your Facebook account
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Haven’t I met you somewhere before?
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When the seven year itch strikes, this lady will be waiting for your call
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Mating rituals get a little strange after eating marijuana sushi
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One sure sign you have a bad boss is when they literally try to eat you
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Her quite demeanor meant she was hiding something. If only she’d just open her mouth and spit it out
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Wow! If only Scrabble came with apostrophes
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When I arranged to meet her on eHarmony.com, she failed to mention the intense freckles,
wood-gnawing braces, and the never-ending face
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Okay, I think my work is done here
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