Acid rain does far more than burn our skin. It completely washes the color from our lives.

“If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up.” – – Dr Seuss

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One, one-thousand, two, one-thousand, three one-thousand….

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When she told the Genie that she wished guys would start noticing her more,
she never dreamed it would be like this

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Turns out that even after losing an election, politicians can still make use of their hot air

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Every woman wishes this kind of weather would happen to her.
But sadly, “shoe storms” only happen to men

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People often forget.  It’s not a game for the bull!

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Must… Have… Beer….

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90% of getting hired is looking the part

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First Rule of Volcanoes:  Never let them see you sweat

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In a negative economy, it seems very appropriate to dine on reverse-strawberries

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Sometimes listening can be a thing of beauty

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Law of Starving People:  If you’re not going to feed your people, expect for them to kill you

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Camping was far easier when everyone could still afford to buy gas

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The walls you build to keep others out, are the same walls that will be used to keep you in

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Just because you’re big, mean, and ferocious-looking doesn’t mean you’re not a crybaby

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Don’t look down. To die would be fatal

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People who park illegally in a handicap spot will soon have a reason to park there

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Hmmm, I was thinking that all their soup tasted a bit primordial

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Gravity can be your friend or your enemy. It just depends on which side of the shopping spree you’re on

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Some of our best and worst decisions occur when we bite off more than we can chew

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Washington’s newest plan for balancing the budget comes straight out of the game of Monopoly

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Just because he’s behind glass doesn’t mean he won’t try to prank your Facebook account

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Haven’t I met you somewhere before?

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When the seven year itch strikes, this lady will be waiting for your call

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Mating rituals get a little strange after eating marijuana sushi

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One sure sign you have a bad boss is when they literally try to eat you

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Her  quite demeanor meant she was hiding something. If only she’d just open her mouth and spit it out

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Wow! If only Scrabble came with apostrophes

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When I arranged to meet her on eHarmony.com, she failed to mention the intense freckles,
wood-gnawing braces, and the never-ending face

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Okay, I think my work is done here

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