It was only a couple of beers ociffer, honest
“I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.” – – Jack Handey
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My clones and I don’t usually get along, but this night we put aside
our differences to hang out and get drunk together
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Will someone please, please, please take me for a walk?
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Working to solve one of life’s greatest dilemmas,
why do women keep changing their mind?
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If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
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Little known fact – Some bear attacks begin with a polite knock on the door
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This is how planking should be done
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Remember, art is anything you can get away with,
but I’m pretty sure these guys are going to jail
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Reality is the opposite of what you expect, infused with the additive inverse of what is
supposed to happen, divided by the square root of the reflection
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Billing himself as the “fresh milk” candidate, his first move
was to show the country the despicable state of milk today
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Self-portrait of a photographer in a ball of a ballpoint pen. Simply amazing
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Today’s political system is a machine where you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage
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A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than
a life spent doing nothing. That said, some mistakes will make you look like a fool
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Just two guys doing dishes
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If only life had a “reverse button”
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“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.
And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our ‘friend’
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Why is it that an angry tiger is taken for granted,
but an angry zebra will absolutely turn your life into a bad horror film
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Synchronized window washing not only improves the “outlook”
it makes the windows feel better about themselves
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A super cool kangaroo doesn’t automatically get my respect.
He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it
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The Earth is the cradle of humanity, but mankind cannot stay in that cradle forever
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Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
But it sucks when it comes to wiping your butt
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The cat with Donald Trump hair
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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the
time we rushed through life trying to save
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Igor the Lemur was very good at replaying scenes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show
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Obviously it was a book with “best seller potential” written all over it
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Kids. They’re not easy. But there does have to be some penalty for sex
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“Dammit, Karl. She just wanted you to bring food, not the entire fridge!”
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