Sometimes a well-balanced diet isn’t all what its cracked up to be
Quote of the Day: “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.” – Mitch Hedberg
Sometimes a well-balanced diet isn’t all what its cracked up to be
Quote of the Day: “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.” – Mitch Hedberg
You took the yellow pill didn’t you?
Quote of the Day – “I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing – like showering.” – Yakov Smirnoff
Thinking with your heart as well as your head is the zen way of Rex the cat
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Quote of the Day: “When you don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s hard to know when you’re finished.” – Tommy Smothers
The replicants knew when feeding time was upon them.
Thursday lunches were always insurance salesmen. Fridays were always leftover bankers.
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Quote of the Day: “I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.” – – Norman Wisdom
Unbeknownst to David Letterman, the Cleveland Philharmonic spent over 400 hours
practicing to land a 4 minute spot on his show
Quote of the Day: “The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.” – – Johnny Carson
Musical chairs is much trickier this way.
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Quote of the Day – “My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don’t really know what’s happening down there. Who is the real hero?” – – Mitch Hedberg
Mass suicide in the phone industry. If only they had a way to call for help!
Quote of the Day: “A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.” – Dennis Miller
The carrot-top leek-a-phone, for that truly organic sound...
.Quote of the day: “A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.” – Mitch Hedberg
Unable to breath, and drowning, he’s still happy to see you
Quote of the Day: “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” – – Lucille Ball
Good things come to those who stretch
Quote of the Day – “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – – Scott Adams
Being crazy is never enough
Quote of the Day: “So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.” – – Dr. Seuss
If your life is not a masterpiece, try typing a new one
“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.” – – George Carlin