The inside-outside upside-downside car. The most fun you can have on four headrests
“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.” – – Oscar Wilde
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Yes, some flowers are simply magical
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra
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She had promised him a good time on their wedding night,
but there was no food left. Now what?
“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” – – George Bernard Shaw
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Gravity is not always your friend. Especially on Mondays!
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – – Robin Williams
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Today’s couch potatoes have a way of turning every disaster into a spectator sport
“I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and I was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they’re crouching and hidden.” – – Steve Martin
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Sadly, very few mail-order bride companies offer a “freshness guarantee”
“If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’ll be a shortage of sand.” – – Milton Friedman
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When spies attempt to infiltrate the ranks of PETA, nothing can be left to chance
“People say New Yorkers can’t get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.” – – David Letterman
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He didn’t have brainstorms often, but when he did, they were a doozy
“What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he’s got something to eat and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.” – – David Brent
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“I don’t have a solution but I certainly admire the problem”
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – – Douglas Adam
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It’s hard to find a truly authentic seafood restaurant like this one
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – – A. Whitney Brown
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Pork barrel spending is currently in free fall.
What little is left is taking congress down with it
“When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.” – – Jimmy Fallon
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His friends called him the “Leaf Moses”
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – – Homer Simpson
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