Once again, Congress is making plans to fix the tax code
“What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.” – – Dave Berry
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When Dr. Seuss came up with the idea, this wasn’t what he had in mind
“The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.” – – Mark Twain
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The look of innocence is always the calm before the storm
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – – Sir Winston Churchill
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As with all cats, the warm fuzzy exterior is merely window dressing for
the cold-hearted manipulating bastard that lies within
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
Dave Barry
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – – Dave Barry
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As with most politicians, breathing fire creates a good sideshow
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – – Jack Handey
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The inside-outside upside-downside car. The most fun you can have on four headrests
“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.” – – Oscar Wilde
“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.” – – Oscar Wilde
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Gravity is not always your friend. Especially on Mondays!
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – – Robin Williams
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Today’s couch potatoes have a way of turning every disaster into a spectator sport
“I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and I was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they’re crouching and hidden.” – – Steve Martin
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Sadly, very few mail-order bride companies offer a “freshness guarantee”
“If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’ll be a shortage of sand.” – – Milton Friedman
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When spies attempt to infiltrate the ranks of PETA, nothing can be left to chance
“People say New Yorkers can’t get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.”
David Letterman
“People say New Yorkers can’t get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.” – – David Letterman
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He didn’t have brainstorms often, but when he did, they were a doozy
What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he’s got something to eat and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
David Brent
“What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he’s got something to eat and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.” – – David Brent
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Whenever he hears “no” he knows he needs to increase the volume
“You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.” – – Winston Churchill
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.
– Winston Churchill
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