Once again his application to work in the oil refinery was rejected
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?” – – George Carlin
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For the love of God, will the real sucker please stand up?
“If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.” – – Woody Allen
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The new plans for the military are both creepy and
freakishly out of touch with the enemies they will be fighting
“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” – – Brendan Gill
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Jamie was going to add a bit more highlighter to her hair, but decided she had enough
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait” – – A. Whitney Brown
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If you are out of work, perhaps you should consider becoming a professional scapegoat.
The paranoia is real and it comes in a lovely shade of yellow
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – – Douglas Adams
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Matters of war are far too serious to entrust to people
who believe the American political system works
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” – – Albert Einstein
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Yes, cell phone radiation is a problem, but the damage will stop after the flesh is gone
“Life’s greatest question…. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?” – – Sigmund Freud
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Yes, I knew coffee would get me wired, but not like this
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – – Charles Schulz
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When you can’t make them see the light, make them feel the heat
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – – Joan Rivers
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Acid rain does far more than burn our skin. It completely washes the color from our lives.
“If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up.” – – Dr Seuss
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Few people realize the Smurf’s cartoon series was based on
an actual race of tiny blue people living in Cleveland
“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?” – – Jean Kerr
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Wouldn’t it be more fun if every 100th egg came with a surprise creature inside?
“Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.” – – Samuel Goldwyn
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