If your life is not a masterpiece, try typing a new one
“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.” – – George Carlin
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Odds of failure – 100%
“Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offering to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren’t so exciting.” – – Bill Gates
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Once again, FedEx has been testing out new delivery systems
“An ugly baby is a very nasty object – and the prettiest is frightful.” – – Queen Victoria
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Once again his application to work in the oil refinery was rejected
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?” – – George Carlin
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With the world collapsing around us, it will be the innovative few
who see brilliant opportunities and take us to a whole new level
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” – – Douglas Adams
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For the love of God, will the real sucker please stand up?
“If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.” – – Woody Allen
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The new plans for the military are both creepy and
freakishly out of touch with the enemies they will be fighting
“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” – – Brendan Gill
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Jamie was going to add a bit more highlighter to her hair, but decided she had enough
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait” – – A. Whitney Brown
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If you are out of work, perhaps you should consider becoming a professional scapegoat.
The paranoia is real and it comes in a lovely shade of yellow
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – – Douglas Adams
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Matters of war are far too serious to entrust to people
who believe the American political system works
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” – – Albert Einstein
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Yes, cell phone radiation is a problem, but the damage will stop after the flesh is gone
“Life’s greatest question…. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?” – – Sigmund Freud
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Yes, I knew coffee would get me wired, but not like this
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – – Charles Schulz
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